I lied

 I’m happy. I’m happyyy. I’m happy!!!!!!! I kept telling myself that i’m happy. I was supposed to. I finish my exam, i passed it. I went out with my friends. We went shopping and we have lunch together. It’s been so long since i last hang out with them. Today was supposed to be a happy day to me. I was supposed to be happy!!! But why don’t i fee anything? Why i feel numb? Why i feel bad bcs i cant fell happy???

I’’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m not supposed to feel sad 😔. I hate feeling this way. I hate it so much i want it to end. I’m trying to be happy. I’m trying my hard to be normal. But i can’t. When someone said they’re disappointed with how i end up to be, i couldnt tell them how i’m more disappointed in myself. I don’t ask to be this way. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be okay. I wish i’m happy. What else should i do. Isnt me surviving enough? 

Please be understanding, i myself hate feeling this way. I’ve tried my best to be as normal as you people. I just cant control how i feel. 

11/11/21

AN Lee